“You Go On, And I’ll Be Okay…

… I can dream the rest away. It’s just a little touch of fate; it’ll be okay. It sure takes it’s precious time, but it’s got rights and so have I.”

Before you do anything else today, listen to “Neopolitan Dreams” by Lisa Mitchell and try not to question everything in existence and/or fall in love with something. Anything.

Speaking of.

As I get older, I realize more and more how important love actually is. I’m not talking about love like, “I love you, mom” or “I really love ice cream” (both of which I adore), but a love that’s rooted deeper into your soul. A love that’s coursing through your veins. Know what I’m saying?

I think that everyone is comprised of the same matter. Cells, which contain DNA, bones, blood, organs, etc. That’s another love of mine. Biology. But, in everyone, there’s something that makes them completely different from the person they’re sitting next to.

Purpose.

Everyone has a purpose, and I believe you’re born with it. Two people can have the same desire and longing to pursue a career in medicine. Hell, they can even both decide to be cardiologists. Same career. Same desire. Different purpose.

I think about this a lot. As a young adult who is fresh out of college, I often find myself wondering what my true purpose is in life. My first year of college was spent studying biology with a concentration in pre-med. I thought my purpose was to become a doctor. I traveled to med schools, answered all of the “hard” questions, and read Gray’s Anatomy in Barnes & Noble for fun. That’s the road I was on for nearly two years.

In the summer, in-between semesters at college, I would act in plays at a church not far from my hometown. I use the word hometown loosely. I kind of grew up in two places. I performed as Liesl in the Sound of Music, which was my first musical. I was so scared. My voice cracked about ten different times onstage. I think that’s why I’m so terrified of singing in public, which is a fear that I really need to get over. Despite the horribly embarrassing vocal mishaps, I still had a blast, and, without knowing it at the time, it was that musical that changed my life.

The summer after my freshman year of college, I had an epiphany in Ryan’s Restaurant. Think Picadilly. Totally gross. I was sitting in a booth by the window, facing my mom and grandmother. We were having breakfast before going to church service. I was picking at fruit. I mentioned to Mom and Granny that I wanted to change my major in college, because, since doing the play, it was seriously weighing on my heart. My mom and my great-grandmother are the two women that I trust the most. I confide in them with nearly everything. Sometimes, my news comes as a shock because of the generational gaps, but they’re both completely open-minded and accepting of everything, which I love.

I remember my grandma’s reaction to my news. She was ecstatic, as I knew she would be. Granny is the reason why I was ever into theatre in the first place. She’s my #1 fan. She would pick me up from school everyday, take me to every dance lesson, piano lesson, soccer practice. She was at every recital, every elementary graduation, every field trip. She’s superwoman. Her and my mom both.

My mom was a little more hesitant, as I knew she would be. She was thinking more logically. “Will you be able to make a career out of this?” “Are you sure this is what you want?” “I thought you loved medicine.” All of her questions and her perspective was valid, and I agreed and had the same concerns. But one thing I knew for sure was that, despite my love for it, being a doctor was not my purpose.

Being a performer was.

Is.

I have goosebumps right now while writing this. My heart is fluttering, and I have butterflies flitting around in my stomach. I just want to climb to the top of the highest building and shout my joys at the top of my lungs. I’ve discovered one of the greatest treasures in the world. My life’s purpose. People search for their’s for years. Decades. But I’ve found mine. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.

The decision that I made four years ago was the greatest decision I’ve made in my life, thus far. Was it terrifying? Yes. Was it a gamble? Absolutely. But I had no other choice. I had to follow my dreams, because they are a literal part of me, you see? Regardless if I chose to follow what was rooted within my heart or not, it would always be there. Waiting. Lingering. Because, like bones and blood, it’s there to stay. It holds me together. My purpose.

You know that quote that says something along the lines of, “If you can’t get someone out of your head, then maybe they’re supposed to be there?” I feel like that was plastered on everyone’s Myspace page at some point or another.

Well, if you can’t get something (or someone) out of your head or heart, then maybe it’s supposed to be there. Which is why I have decided that, in hopefully a year’s time, I will be living in New York City and studying at a conservatory.

How’s that for a curveball?

Of course, I cannot predict the future, nor do I know exactly when I will make the move. Only thing I do know is that I will make the move. Will it be terrifying? Yes. Will it be a gamble? Absolutely. But I have no other choice. I have to follow my dreams, because they are a literal part of me, you see? Regardless if I choose to follow what is rooted within my heart or not, it will always be there. Waiting. Lingering. Because, like bones and blood, it’s there to stay.

It holds me together.

My purpose.

Image

Talk to y’all soon,

Kaitlyn

 

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