Do You Think He’d Buy Me Mozzerella Sticks?

Today is weird. I got three hours of sleep, had to wake up at 4am for work, spent over $50 at Whole Foods, and came home and crashed for an hour and a half. Now it’s 4:30pm, and I feel like all I have to show for my day is slightly smaller under-eye bags and very expensive watermelon, which I already polished off. Now it’s raining.

I catered to my inner girl already today by watching the latest episode of the Bachelorette. I’m hooked, you guys. Send help. All I can say is that I’m sad to see the Cool-Pants Guy go. I forgot his name, but he always wore cool pants. They showed his ankles, so they’re like the capris that the Europeans have worn for years that the Americans just started adopting. I’m on board, especially because his socks were always fun too, so that’s that. You’re probably asking yourself if I really spend this much time fixated on a man’s ankle region, and the answer is yes. Priorities.

I’m also finding myself reading silly articles on Buzzfeed and the like. Always a favorite. I read one about things that happen in Disney World that no one knows about. Did you know that they send cats out at night to eat the mice that invade the parks? That thought makes me want to cry out in fear and confusion. Are the cats trained to kill the mice specifically? Do they respond to a call and scurry back into their holding cells when the parks reopen? I NEED ANSWERS. I feel so concerned.

I also read an article about horoscopes, which I find interesting but don’t put any stock into, dating, which shade of pink best suits you, and a five word sentence that could land you a date. I could set aside a little time during my day to read up on worldly issues, but I might be busy painting my nails or braiding my hair or something, so we’ll see (I feel like the Bend and Snap maneuver should be added in here somehow).

And the torrential downpour starts in 3…2…1…

Literally. It’s storming.

Reading these articles got me thinking about how I approach/approached dating. The thought didn’t last very long, because my answer was “I don’t/didn’t.” In truth, I’ve maybe been on one legitimate date without being in a relationship with the dude. Is that weird? Just be honest, IS IT WEIRD?

I’ve always considered myself more of a relationship type of gal, as opposed to a casual dater. I don’t know. I just like getting to know people, I guess, and that takes time, therefore I spend a lot of time with the same person getting to know them. Then it’s like, “I like you,” “I like you, too”, BAM. Relationship. Do I even know how to date? Is this a crucial life skill I should possess, like being Word savvy or operating heavy machinery?

I always find myself giving advice to my friends, and, if I’m being honest, which I am, I tend to think I give some damn good advice. If you’re interested in someone, subtly let them know. How, Kaitlyn? Well, friend, flash your boobs and make them buy you dinner smile (or smize, even better), be genuinely interested in what they have to say, touch their arm sparingly, but enough for them to notice and think “OMG SHE’S TOUCHING ME”, and, of course, throw out the five word sentence “We should hang out sometime” and see where that takes you.

I know, right? Excellent advice. You’d think I was a writer for Cosmopolitan or something.

By no means is this a dating blog. I talk about donuts and theatrical experiences for Heaven’s sake. I mean, unless you’re into that sorta thing. In which case, hello. 😉

Jk.

This is just where my mind took me on this dreary day. I’m also thinking about how amazing it would be to have some cookies and cream ice cream and like, maybe another nap.

Before I go, let me leave you with an image that describes me ever so well and that also contains one of my comedic heroes:

tumblr_lmw6y0WG081qiyqyfo1_500

Me, in real life. Owning it.

Peace, love, and fried string cheese,

Kaitlyn

 

 

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