I Don’t Know What I Want Anymore

I think it’s pretty safe and human of me to admit that.

I love acting, but do I want to make that my career? Do I want to further pursue writing? Do I want to dabble in marketing and public relations?

I love people. I know that much. I love people, and I love talking, and I love interacting, and I love being social, and I love sharing ideas, and I love planning, and I love organization, and I love creating.

So now that I know that about myself, what next?

It’s 1:30pm on a Sunday afternoon, and, for some reason, I feel incredibly stressed about my career path. I feel like I need to make a change right this very second. I need to apply to a marketing firm on a whim. Or register with like, TeachNOLA and become a teacher, even though I interact more effectively with adults, because kids kind of scare me.

I want to feel useful in my career. Acting makes me feel useful, but it isn’t my career right now. It’s what I want to do for the rest of my life. I think.

Fuck.

Excuse my language.

Mom, if you read this, I’m sorry. I could’ve deleted it, but I’m trying this new thing where I go with my impulses and don’t hold back. That actually caused me to spend an excessive amount of money today after work, but so be it. I’m learning.

Speaking of work… just, no. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I love the customers, I love my coworkers, and I love that I can drink six shots of espresso a day, but it’s just a job. That’s all it’s ever going to be. I’m 23-years-old. I’m ready to start building a career. A life. I want to make money. I want to build a very comfortable savings. I want to feel successful. Then that brings me to if my definition of success is having money? It isn’t. You’d think it was by the way I’m talking right now, but it isn’t.

My definition of success is feeling happy with what you’re doing in life, where you are in life, and where you’re going in life. Money doesn’t really play a large role in there. Obviously, it’s important, but it’s not the most important.

What am I even talking about anymore?

Someone tell me what to do.

Or better yet, someone hire me as a writer. I come with wit!

Or perhaps to promote something. I can do that. I know how to hashtag. #noreallythough

I also know how to bake. Everyone loves a gal who knows how to bake.

Talk to y’all soon,

Kaitlyn

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